As I sit behind this computer screen broken, hurt, and confused, my mind is searching for the correct words to express myself. I sit angry, sad, and baffled how I lost my beautiful soul Chelsea. She was the one, let me correct myself, she is the one and this broken man behind this CPU screen isn’t going down without a fight.
So what exactly happened? How did I lose my best friend, my lover and my future wife? How did the magical experiences and feelings of love get overshadowed by a difference of opinions which caused all this heartbreak I am now feeling?
Chelsea is a living angel here in the flesh. Now when I say this, I don’t mean this figuratively, I mean this literally. Have you ever seen a man or a woman who no matter what is taking place, just seems to light up the room? This is my Chelsea. Every aspect of her being is vibrant, pure and full of light. Not only is she beautiful on the inside and out, she’s also quite funny. Well, at least she thinks she is. I still claim to be funnier than her.
My instant connection with Chelsea drew me in to wonder every tiny detail about her beautiful soul. Her past, her upbringing, every single thing that created this angel here in the flesh I wanted to know. I have never seen a being so, well so perfect. I needed to know how this beautiful creature of God came about.
As the months passed things were perfect. Like extremly perfect. It was absolutly insane. I mean, I’ve had great relationships in the past with electric feelings, but these were deeper. These were authentic, true, and real. It was a mature adult relatonship, yet I felt like I was in junior high school. We just seemed to click on all levels. I even began enjoying her goofy music selections. I never knew I could learn to enjoy broadway musicals.
Chelsea and I began doing most things together as new couples do. Working out together, going to the book store together, just flat out enjoying each others company. No matter what needed to be done we enjoyed each others companionship. I mean, what wasn’t to love about this beautful angel sent from above.
As things started to progress I began attending a small christian church group with her. I wanted to learn exactly what this beautiful soul knew. I wanted to be like her.
Before I get too deep in the story let me back up here for one quick second and give a little bit of background about myself. Over the past 2 years of my life I’ve done some serious soul searching. Divorce, failed relationships and living alone will do this to a person. I began asking myself questions that I’ve never before even thought about. “Why was I born? Why did God put all of us here? What exactly is our purpose here why we all walk this beautiful journey we know as life?”
As I now fully understand this today this was the beginning of my spiritual awakening process. These are extremly deep questions that most people don’t ask themselves I am learning. What the hell is a spiritual awakening you might ask? Well apparently millions and millions of people across the globe are experiencing the exact same thing. The simplest way to describe this “awakening” process would be to say this, “I am a spirtual being having a human experience.” What? Trust me I know.
Basically every thing I’ve ever learned and knew to be true wasn’t. It’s exactly like when Neo takes the red pill in the movie “The Matrix.” It’s very scary stuff to say the least, yet it is completely true. It’s like being reborn except when you wake up you realize that your loved ones, friends, and most people around you are still asleep, except now you are an outcast. The words you speak sound unfamiliar and crazy to everyone else. You’re labeled as weird, different or just flat out crazy. I’ve even heard that the majority of the people who occupy psych wards is due to their “awakening experience” and they couldn’t handle the pressure it brang upon.
Apparently 90 percent of the population is “asleep,” and I was one of them. If you’re having trouble comprehending any thing I am saying here, it is because your ego won’t allow you to, but that’s a whole different ballgame folks. The ego is all about fear and negativity. If you’re not aware of you’re thoughts, if you just have them and think that’s who you are, then you’re ego is in control and you are “asleep.” Do a little research on the human ego and do a quick search on Eckharte Tolle if you can’t follow me hear.
Romans 12:2 New International Version (NIV)
2″ Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
The key word here is transformed, which comes from the greek word “metamorphoo” which can be translated as a caterpiller transforming into a butterfly. Most of society is still speaking caterpiller language.
How this awakening process came about was I began to practice meditation and mindfulness techniques. Just basic, natural breathing and awareness techniques. I wasn’t practicing any kind of mystical rituals or witchcraft of any sort, I was just trying to slow down my mind and my thoughts in a natural way. All because I have ADD so freaking bad I couldn’t focus for more than a few seconds without my mind wondering off. Why were my thoughts wondering off, drawing me away from the present moment which is the only thing that there ever is? How can I actually enjoy what I’m doing if my thoughts are somehere else?
Initially as this awakening process takes place you become inflamed with pure love. Unexplicitable bliss, pure thankfulness and nothing but positivity and gratitude for life. You feel interconnected with the trees, with the flowers, and the rest of God’s beautiful creations, including other people. You feel as if you are one with humanity and that we are all created equal. Race, religion and politics have zero meaning except for the fact you understand all this division was created my man, not God. You feel as if Heaven is actually taking place here on earth.
Luke 17:20-21 King James Version (KJV)
20 And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation:
21 Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
Problem is most people can’t experience this because their damn minds are in the way. This is actually every persons natural way of being, oneness, it’s just that most are stressed or over ran with worry that they are not allowing themselves to be in their natural states. Their minds are running like a damn highway with no space between the cars, yet they have no idea this is actually taking place inside their heads. They are not present, they just think they are. In order to receive the gift of God’s light, you must be present in the moment. It’s all about presense. This means no thought. Just being, after all, we are human-beings. Sarah Young, the author of “Jesus Calling, enjoying peace in his presence,” understands this beautifully.
As father God sits above mother earth, his children play. We laugh, we cry, we love and we even hate. We are all beautiful children of God, which in reality makes us all brothers and sisters. We have just forgotten. So what seperates us? How come this world is so divided with race, religions, and politics? Why is there so much hate and difference between us children of God? The answer……. Our minds!!!!!!
I’ve always believed in Jesus Christ and considered myself a christian man, but to be honest I didnt know much about him. I have heard that the only way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ and I accepted and believed that. But why didn’t other religions? If we all have a soul, and we are all children of God, then what is going on with all the different belief systems and seperation of humanity through religion?
Having this spiritual awakening experience and this complete feeling of oneness, I began to do a little research on the many different religions throughout the world. If Christ is the real, only true way to Heaven, then why is there so many different religions who don’t claim Jesus Christ as the one true savior. I was curious to say the least.
The word Christ actually means “the annointed one, or annointed with oil,” and comes from the greek word Christos. Interesting I thought. Jesus’ actual name is Yeshua.
As my research continued I began to realize a few things. Throughout history there has been 16 different religious figures all born of a virgin, with 12 deciples on Dec 25th, born before Jesus Christ. All performed miracles such as walking on water, turning water to wine, and cureing the ill. The egyptian sun god Horus, Buddha, Krishna, Mithra, Dionysus are just to name a few. All with almost the exact same story, yet most Christians have not been taught this? Why I wondered? I have an idea but I’ll leave that for a future post.
As this awakening process has taken place, I will admit it has not been easy. I’ve learned so much about the control of the government and the religious leaders throughout history that it literally has broken my heart. I have been in a slight state of depression for about 2 months now and have cried daily. Millions, probably billions throughout history have gotten sick, been murdered and been controlled by higher government regulations.
As I began to question the authority and authenticity of the one who we call Jesus Christ, I began to push away the love of my life. I was questioning every thing she had been taught and was raised to believe. There I was, getting angry, at an angel in the flesh. None of this was her fault, yet my stubborn self let it get the best of me.
And now she is gone.
The love of my life who I planned on marrying is nothing but a memory in my brain. Well done religion, well done indeed.
So, have my thoughts and beliefs about our lord and savior Jesus Christ changed? Do I believe that being a christian and calling him Jesus Christ is the only way to Heaven? Do I beleive that every other religion in the world is wrong if they don’t accept Jesus Christ as the Lord and Savior? Do I even believe in religion at all anymore?
I believe this Chelsea….. I believe in love and oneness. I believe just because other religions may call Jesus by a different name doesn’t damn them to hell for eternity. I believe that religion was created by man to promote war and division between human beings. I believe that christianity has its part in religions but I don’t believe that you have to call yourself a christian in order to see God’s kingdom. And I also believe Jesus is trying to tell us the same thing. There is not one spot written in the bible where it states christianity is the only way. It was made up by man thousands of years ago to create division between the people of the world and we have ran with it. The very second we judge another person or religion, that is our ego promoting fear into our minds.
Matthew 7: 1-3 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
This is what I was trying to tell you my love. I’m so deeply sorry that I let my awakening experince get the best of me. I’m forever apolegetic to your beautiful soul for questioning your religious beliefs that has made you into this beautiful angel here in the flesh.
Please forgive me my love.
Humbly Written by Chris McDaniel