As a 33 year old man with anxiety and brain fog I refused to become another statistic. I refused to turn to a form of instant gratification to temporary numb all this madness going on inside this hectic, yet beautiful mind of mine. Not only did I find my problem, I found most of society’s as well. Here we go…………..
Being an ex-athlete I’ve always been fond of physical fitness and most types of exercises. But after high school and my short time playing college baseball I found myself in a place that I wasn’t too familiar with; A man’s world.
I will admit. Not only was I scared, I was terrified. Shit, I barely knew how to change a tire, yet alone have a mechanical conversation with anyone. I felt like a 5-year-old boy who was attending his first day of kindergarten all over again.
Lucky enough, I did land an amazing job with great pay and amazing benefits. Not my dream job by any means, but it was a high paying 6-figure job. What a drastic change for me this was. In the matter of months, I went from following my dream of playing professional baseball, to making the big bucks, not really knowing what I was actually doing in the process.
As time passed by, and the money was rolling in, so was the alcohol, the partying, and my damn thoughts. I had some serious shit going on inside of me and had ZERO clue what was really happening to me. As far as I knew I was doing everything right. I had a high paying job, was partying my ass off with my friends and everything seemed great.
But then I started to notice a pattern. A pattern of emotional instability, a pattern of revolving my life around alcohol, and an ever so hectic pattern of THINKING. Damn, my thoughts were literally all over the place. One second I would be focused on the task at hand, then the next I would be worried and freaking myself out about next weeks bills that were due. I could not focus for longer than a few seconds. What was happening?
Bouncing from days to nights, nights to days, as my shift-work schedule demanded me to, not only was the alcohol screwing with my thoughts, but my lack of sleep and constant off-balance sleep cycles were not helping either.
Finally one day I decided to fix all this shit. I had had enough. I have never struggled in my life and I was letting my inner demons get the best of me for long enough.
I began researching natural ways to calm my racing mind and my racing thoughts and I came across meditation. Interesting I thought. Why wasn’t I taught these things at a much younger age? Why wasn’t there any classes that helped kids deal with their feelings, emotions and thoughts?
So I began my new journey into meditation, and my new journey into the REAL world. A world I thought I was familiar with, but man, was I waaaay off.
One spring day after a pretty intensive P90x workout, I decided I was going to lay out in the back yard while I did my meditation that day. I took my shoes and my shirt off to relax in the grass. Shit, I was just trying to get tan while I was working on changing my thought patterns. I had no idea what was about to happen.
I was already pretty spent following my workout so it wasn’t too hard to slow down my mind. I began my guided spiritual meditation and was immediately relaxed. Normally it takes me a few minutes to calm down, but this time I was in the zone immediately. Did I find an easier way to meditate? Is a key to meditation putting your body through strenuous activity before you do it? Maybe?
The guided meditation began with a woman’s soft beautiful voice guided me through a few breathing techniques. As I relaxed she instructed me to visualize a white beam of light entering in through the top of my head. She continued to guide me, telling me to imagine my entire body being flooded with white light.
After my body was completly subdued with white light, she then instructed me expand my light. Expand this light until it surrounds my house. Until it surrounds my sub-division. Until it surrounds my city, and not stopping until my light was covering the entire Universe. What the hell was going on here? I wasnt exactly sure at the time but I was completely aware, was completely awake, yet I was not.
For the next 15 minutes I was in La-La land you could say. I was wide awake, yet i was asleep. It was the most beautiful experience I have ever felt. Until I woke up.
When I came to, I was no longer the same. My thoughts were completly erased and time seemed to stand still. All this from breathing and visualizing. My 5 senses were multiplied with intensity,and still to do this day they remain enhanced.
I looked around in amazement at my once normal backyard. There was nothing normal going on here. The beautiful colored blue jay in my tree was no longer just blue. I could see every feather as they layed along his beautiful chest.
The once green grass no longer looked green. It was glowing. I could see every individual piece of grass blowing into the soft wind. It was like they were singing to me.
The palms of my hands were covered in sweat and I couldnt stop staring at them. I was so focused and amazed by the pores of my hands. I’ve never felt anything so beautiful in my life. I felt CONNECTED WITH EVERYTHING. I still do, but it has weakened some i will admit.
I had zero clue I just went through a Kundalini Awakening. As I talk about it now with my YOGA instructor she tells me that I was lucky. Lucky I didnt have a seisure or some shit. I’m guessing my brain wave activity was highly activated, in the GAMMA state is what I’m hearing.
I find myself now timid to try to do this again. But it did not feel scary at all. It felt quite euphoric, beautiful and natural.
I felt exactly like ADAM and EVE before they sinned!
Ladies and gentlemen I am going to get straight to the point here. If you can not control your thoughts and you believe that you are,just the way you are, you have never been so wrong in your life. If you constatnly find yourself judging others, if you repetively have to be correct all the time, if youre constantly gossiping and worrying about other people,it’s because of this……….
You do not know who you are!
Your Ego has maintained control of your mind throughout your entire life and you have forgotten who you really are. Your mind has made itself a habit to run, and you no longer understand the difference because it feels normal to you.
You are not your Ego my friends. Quite frankily, you are the exact opposite.
You are a beautiful soul.
You are a beautiful ball of energy that is sitting behind that wall of a heart of yours. You are a mother fucking star, waiting to ignite.
Find that fire. Find that ignition point and never turn back. Because that is the real you, not the person in the mirror.
Humbly Written By Chris McDaniel